Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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