I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
