my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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