i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
