You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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