I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
