my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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