how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
