i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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