I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
