I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it was like eating out sand paper
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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