i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She said her name was "party"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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