Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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