I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
