Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
