Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Text me some of your sweat
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
