I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
