meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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