I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
