I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
