New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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