I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
