You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
