Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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