This is not my ceiling
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
