Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
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