the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
