I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
