shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
