sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
