How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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