bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
