That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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