i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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