There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
