The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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