you would pick up someone in the library
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize