Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
