Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
