It's Friday. Sex?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
how drunk are you?
Several
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
