My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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