He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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