please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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