Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
