I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
