He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize