she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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