we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
