She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
