I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
