i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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