pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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