I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
