I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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