Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
