So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
