i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
