The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
