Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
