Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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