He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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