Are we in a gay sports bar?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just gift wrapped bread.
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I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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