6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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