Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
