Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
