You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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