I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
