I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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