he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
