Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
