I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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