sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
