i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
