he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
