I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
