There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
