What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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